Contracts and Vows

While reading “Moments That Require Determination,” I came across a clear explanation of something I had always thought about, and it stuck with me, so I’m writing it down.

They say that the promises we make broadly fall into two kinds: “contracts” and “vows.”

A contract is a self-centered promise that can be summed up as “what do I need?” It’s a form of promise made in a state where there isn’t much trust in the other party, where you weigh gains and losses, and where you even worry about being taken advantage of.

A vow is a cooperative promise that focuses on the fact that we are together. It’s a form of promise kept out of a deep trust in the other person, and because you want to keep the words you’ve spoken.

You shouldn’t make a vow when you should make a contract, and you shouldn’t make a contract when you should make a vow. You can’t make a vow when signing a real estate contract. Nor can a marriage relationship be a contract.

My personal hope is that relationships at work could also take the form of a vow. Rather than simply working to earn a certain amount and doubting whether the compensation is fair, I hope people can empathize with the company’s goals and focus solely on their work without any doubts.